University Jokes

Forwarded lang 'to!!!

please don't take this seriously.. these are just jokes.
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MAHIRAP LAHAT
Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.

WHERE TO GO TO COLLEGE?
If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go to La Salle.
If you have no money, go to PUP.


pag nabaha:
Ateneo -yuck, dirty
La salle - well i have my car
UST- eewww! may palaka!
UP - basa na naman!
AMA- tara! swimming tayo!

Deodorant:
Ateneo- secret
La salle- sure
UST- rexona
UP- babes
NU- splash deowhitener
PUP- tawas
AMA- dinidikdik na stork, sing lamig pero di sing mahal!

Multivitamins:
UA&P- pharmaton
Ateneo- rogin-e
La Salle- centrum
UST- clusivol
AMA- star rice


Reaction of students to BMW
Ateneo- may dad has one like that
DLSU - Dad buy me naman that
UP - Dad, that is not worth buying
AMA- Tay, pa-picture tayo!

Expressions of Schools
Ateneo- Whatever
DLSU - Duh?! helloooo?!
Assumption- oh my god!
UST - gosh!
UP - ganon?
AMA - chuvachuchu

Tawag sa mga estudyante
Ateneo- Atenista
DLSU- Lasalista or La Sallite
UP- taga-UP
Assumption- Assumptionista
UST- Thomasian
San Beda- Bedan
AMA - Jolinians

Month:
DLSU- february(hearts day)
CRC- december(holidays)
Ateneo- march(graduation)
AMA- april(boys) IDOL!!!

Gimik Places
DLSU- Embassy
ADMU- Fiamma
Beda- mars
CEU- padi
UST- chatterbox
AMA- di nyo kami maaapi ngayon sa Hardrock kami! may Concert si jolina! beeh!

Reaction pagnawalan ng wallet
ADMU- ****! my credit cards are there
DLSU - ****! my 10,000 bucks are gone
UST - pare lisensya ko
AMA - picture ni jolina?!

Buying Cellphone
La salle- iPhone 3g please
ADMU - N95 nga
UP- China Phone
UST - 2 extra batteries
UE- two pieces of P1,000 GLOBE cards
AMA- (pabulong) may brochure kayo?

Expressions pag nakakuha ng funny txt
ADMU- hahaha, funny
DLSU- yeah, right
UP- ****** OK to ah
AMA- ****** tayo na naman ang pinag-uusapan ah!

Reaction ng marinig ang new txt scheme
La salle- bad trip
ADMU- ****
UST- bwisit
CKSC- **** *** ***** [cursing in chinese]
FEU- diyahe naman
AMA- yes, wala ng mang-aasar sa atin

Problematic kids:
DLSU: "****! Walang parking!"
ADMU: "****! Traffic sa Katips!"
CRC: "****! Walang signal!"
UP: "****! Walang jeep!"
CSB: "****! Walang pinasa!"
ASSUMPTION: "****! Walang boys!"

Flowers:
Ateneo: long-stemmed roses
La Salle: tulips
UST: carnation
UP: sampaguita
PUP: gumamela
AMA: paper roses

Favorite car:
ADMU: benz
Beda- bugati
DLSU- acura
UST- ferrari
UP- jaguar
AMA- ****** tama na STI naman, kaya nga pabor kami sa tax sa text e!

In a brainshop, three types of brains were for sale. Ang una, brain ng taga-Ateneo w/c cost Php50,000 --->; kasi if u buy this, ur gonna be an excellent conversationalist. Next is utak ng taga-UP w/c cost Php100,000 --->; kasi you'll have a "future" if u buy this. Yung pinakamahal ay utak ng taga-Lasalle w/c cost Php150,000 --->; kasi slightly used.

Ten Conyomandments

 

Ten Conyomandments

by Gerry Avelino and Arik Abu
(from The La Sallian-Menagerie)

Conyo here, conyo there, conyo everywhere! Here at La Salle, conyospeak has become an unofficial language as a good chunk of the student body knows, or maybe even mastered the socialite tongue. However, one must never forget the basics of the conyo and we thusly bring you:

The Ten Conyomandments.

1.  Thou shall make gamit "make+pandiwa".
ex. "Let's make pasok na to our class!"
      "Wait lang! I'm making kain pa!"
      "Come on na, we can't make hintay anymore! It's in Andrew pa, you know?"

2. Thou shall make kalat "noh", "diba" and "eh" in your pangungusap.
ex. "I don't like to make lakad in the baha nga, no? Eh diba it's like, so eew, diba?"
      "What ba: stop nga being maarte noh?"
      "Eh as if you want naman also, diba?"

3. When making describe a whatever, always say "It's SO pang-uri!"
ex. "It's so malaki, you know, and so mainit!"
      "I know right? So sarap nga, eh!"
      "You're making me inggit naman.. I'll make bili nga my own burger."

4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation "dude", 'tsong" or "pare"
ex. "Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare."
      "I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh"

5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!
ex. "My bag is so bigat today, you know"
      "I know, right! We have to make dala pa kasi the jumbo Physics book eh!"

6. Make gawa the plural of pangngalans like in English or Spanish.
ex. "I have so many tigyawats, oh!"

7. Like, when you can make kaya, always use like. Like, I know right?
ex. "Like, it's so init naman!"
      "Yah! The aircon, it's, like sira!" 

8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your sentence, you know, your pangungusap?
ex. "Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?"
      "It's so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?"

9. Make gamit of plenty abbreviations, you know, daglat?"
ex. "Like, OMG! It's like traffic sa LRT"
      "I know right? It's so kaka!"
      "Kaka?"
      "Kakaasar!"

10. Make gamit the pinakamaarte voice and pronunciation you have para full effect!
ex. "I'm, like, making aral at the Arrhneo!"
      "Me naman, I'm from Lazzahl!"